my words... my say

Life have been handling me lemons recently and I find it very hard to make lemonades out of it. Why am I feeling even more lonely now than ever </3

How many times have you heard the phrase, "at least the person died doing what he love" whenever a tragedy happened?  I was telling my sister the other day about my thoughts on this matter. I engage in the outdoors and sports because I love it, but never once have I set out to do something thinking it will be my last time doing it. That phrase is more of a consolation to those who are affected by the death of a love one, and I am sure they are aware that these words bring no actual comfort, but in trying times, you will hold on to any comforting idea as a life buoy.  I can't help but feel very upset whenever I put myself in the shoes of the victims. I can't help but think what actually went through their minds when they see their life flashing past them. I love being in the outdoors, I love dragonboating, but I cannot imagine dying for it. No one wants to I believe, unless you are already extremely old and ready to leave this world. But we all love to live ti...

So, You Think You Know the Real Me? "Campaigners go all-in with their relationships, and if they fall apart despite their efforts, they can end up plagued with questions about why the relationship failed and what they could have done differently – without a buoy, these thoughts can crush Campaigners’ self-esteem as they sink into depression. It’s important for Campaigner personalities, as with anyone, to remember that relationships are in all ways mutual – mutual interest, mutual growth, and mutual responsibility – and they can’t be solely accountable. After a trial like this, Campaigners may be reluctant to open up and commit, and it can take years for a partner to navigate their bewildering depth and intensity, falsely believing that Campaigners’ enthusiasm and apparent openness means that they wear everything on their sleeves. The reality is that Campaigners’ spontaneity, the seeming inconsistency and erraticism the untrained eye sees, isn’t a product of flightiness or...

Let me be honest here. Ever since coming out on my own, I have been struggling with finding a routine that I can adhere to. I am constantly stressing out, thinking I am not doing enough as a wannabe entrepreneur.  I always read articles about top CEOs starting their day early, catching only 4-5 hours of sleep a day, planning their day ahead with a routine and sticking to the routine. They are always on the go, multi-tasking all the time. Over time, I've come to realise, that is not for me. Sticking to a routine made me stressed out over unnecessary things, made me frustrated thinking I am not doing enough.  The truth is, we are all different, and we work different. I like to procrastinate if I am given a long timeline. I like to be in a pressure cooker environment where I am swarmed with deadlines, and that is also when I perform best, with sudden spurts of energy to get things done. But once that energy is released, I need time to space out again. Yes I agree tha...

This was written more than 5 years ago.... how time flies. If I were a rich girl…. How I wish I’m rich… Not so that I can spend it on living the high life, but more because I am able to help those in need… It has always been my dream to have loads of money, and to buy medical supplies and food for those people living in 3rd world countries. And I always think it’s ironic how one could spend thousands of dollars on bags or clothings and how that amount of money could save thousands of lives instead. It is my goal to earn as much money as I can and retire in Africa helping those in need, be it people or animals. I am leading a comfortable life right now, and for that I am grateful. I am grateful that I need not worry about ongoing war in my background, I am grateful that I need not worry about not having food at all when I am hungry, I am grateful for having a job to help pay my bills, expenses and occassional trips overseas. I want to be in a position to help, and to help tho...

Very interesting to be reading back my old entries at www.m8bel.wordpress.com Made me realise how much I have grown and also what are some things/views I need to retain. A timely reminder. xoxo, Mabel

The truth is, I'm glad the relationship was over. I didn't realise how poisonous being together with him was and how stubborn I could be to hang on to something that wasn't meant to be. Being with him was comfortable, too comfortable that I persuaded myself to give him many chances even though he clearly does not deserve it. All the self reasonings I've put myself through is enough for me to write a self-help book.  The moment where I realise I should never settle for someone who brings out the worse in me is the best decision of my life. I do not expect someone to bring out the best in me (because that has to come from within and not from someone); the least I expect is not bring out the worst in me. It feels liberating to get away from a toxic relationship and take control of my life, finding back my own happiness. The choice is ours, whether to continue a cycle or break away from it. I am just so happy that I decided to step out of my comfort zone instead of taking t...